12% of whats been going through my mind

i've had a lot of time to think at both of my jobs lately. i'm pretty much left alone to my thoughts at ruehl 24-7 unless robby's working. and the service desk at stop & shop is pretty slow, so i usually just read boston.com or write more shit for my english final that i'm "basically done with".
being in grafton, or massachusetts in general, makes me really miss everything that i have everywhere else. there are times when i'm here when i'm really happy, but for the most part, day to day, job to job, i just feel like something is missing. i'm just different now.
in a couple years everything is going to change, and not just for me, but for everyone. all of our lives will be different.

the other day i realized that i never want to flush the bathroom toilet. not because i am afraid of unfortunate things that could happen shortly after i push the trigger, or because of my fear of toilets. i never want to flush because i want to do anything and everything i can to save the water in the bowl. you may find this funny, but it's getting really bad. some mornings i rinse my mouth out with the hot water i used to wash my face because i don't want to waste water waiting for it to go cold again, and some mornings i wash my face in ice cold. showers aren't even the same anymore. i don't want to know what life is going to be like without water.
i had this conversation with ian yesterday en route from job 1 to job 2. he told me we are supposed to run out of water by 2050. okay. i am most likely still going to be alive in 2050. but i will be old and i will be used to living with water. how the fuck am i going to live without water when i've had it at my side for my entire life?! it's going to be like the elderly/computer pairing we are faced with now. most elderly people don't use computers because they didn't grow up with them - the idea is foreign. the idea of living without water is foreign to me. and even more, one thing that i just thought of: are the oceans going to be gone as well? what's going to happen to all of the animals? we're only ever going to be able to see animals in taxidermy museums! WHAT ARE OUR CATS AND DOGS GOING TO DRINK? WHAT ARE OUR FISH GOING TO LIVE IN! i thank god for allowing me to have baylee, ODB (R.I.P. baby), dominico and stefano as pets now, while they are able to survive.
i hope obama clenches his spot tonight, hillary free.
mid conversation with ian, theo called and i complained to him about how we're going to have to live without water and he said that the world was going to end in 2012. and i forgot about that, which is sad considering the kid who claims to have the formula for the end of the world sat next to me in lcd. on one hand it's cool that i get to spend the final years of my life getting an education that i love and don't have to pay for since i won't have to pay back any of my loans by the time the world ends. but on the other hand, i don't want to live through the deterioration of the planet. and i don't want to drown in a thunderstorm.
and i want to feel financially stable. and i want the price of gas to go down.
and i want to like my home.

when hallet told me that i should continue my english final past english at home to see how my views changed, i thought she was crazy. i told her that i probably wouldn't meet anyone who would inspire me to write in massachusetts. surprisingly, i have. they don't inspire me in the same way and they frankly don't excite me, and for the most part i'd be totally cool not seeing them again. but i'm gonna give it a shot. i have four parts that i've added over the past couple days, and a list of more that i want to finish. maybe tonight.