u host only..........u host only

ahh! my time spent at home with my parents has been surprisingly pleasant all-in-all. i survived a couple world wars, but it was all worth it in the end. i don't tell my parents this enough, but i really love them and as much as i complain, i love coming home and spending time with them, especially when they're off work for the holidays and i have nothing to do. i always get used to the way i'm living, whether i'm here or in brooklyn, and never want to go back to my other life once i've become comfortable. i don't mind change, but it's weird to flip flop from one territory to the other because they are so different and my responsibilities in each vary so greatly.

just got back from seeing the curious case of benjamin button with ian. it was great. i almost cried, but i have this genetic disability where tears never actually fall down my face. maybe i have huge tearducts?
this movie also marked a historic point for me: the first time i've ever thought brad pitt was attractive. i think because in a way it was a period piece. i liked him only around the time he was finally with daisy. when he's on the motorcycle for the first time in the leather jacket and aviators........ hot damn. that man can wear a leather jacket, let me tell you.

went to the grocery store today, too. saw sean and chatted for the last time for god knows how long. me and ian picked out food so i can make snacks for new years. i spent $50 on food! that's the first time i've ever done that.. spent a lot of money on food for other people. to be completely honest, i don't even know how much of the food i'll be eating, but i also feel like a moose right now from dinner. i don't know when to tell myself to stop eating. it's nuts. you'd think i'd be way bigger than i am.

ahhh anyway. i'm gonna enjoy one of my last days with verizon fios and hundreds of channels of tv to chose from on this beautiful flat screen. soon it's off to brooklyn, the land of 60 channels in a dorm room? at least i'll have this beautiful tv to watch it all on. kinda can't wait to be back in my dorm room though... i miss my bed there :( even though it squeaks, i get a much better nights sleep in it than here.

oh dear grafton the things you do to me

I've done so much in the past two days that are pretty much extremely abnormal for me. yesterday, to start, I woke up at 9:30 WILLINGLY to take a trip with ian to rhode island to visit Adam. at Adams we made a gingerbread house, dipped pretzels and cookies in chocolate and WENT FOR A HIKE IN THE WOODS. yes. physical exertion. I was shocked too, but I actually really enjoyed it. it was a lot of fun. we saw deer and didn't get shot by hunters. I've also been really into cooking here. strange, I know. I can't wait til I get my apartment cuz I'm seriously gonna be cooking alllll the fucking time. yesterday I made broccoli and bow tie pasta in a light lemon "sauce". today I made guacamole and started working on the appetizer plate list for new years a betty's.

I think the reason why I do rare things here is because I get so bored. I been sittin on the couch plotting and flippin through tv channels and stuffin my face for like three hours now. maybe I'll make some spicy soup from scratch right now. that sounds delicious.

my mom says that she's only been seriously hurt and disappointed three times in her life. first when her mom forgot her 11th birthday. second when i was anti taking pictures during my high school graduation. third , this christmas, when my dad did not put any thought into buying christmas presents for the woman he's known for 20 years, but bought himself a $180 saw and wrapped it for himself to put under the christmas tree.

i had a great christmas, but the rift between my parents has seriously fucked me up. i wish there was something i could do to change their problems, but unfortunately, it's something that only can be worked out by two adults who act like adults who are able to truthfully admit what things about the other are bothering them. in addition, these adults must take the constructive criticism given by the other, and treat it just as that, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, not CRITICISM. both adults must be truthful and not keep secrets. after all, when you've been with someone for 1 year, 2 years, 10 years, or even 20, you shouldn't have secrets. when you keep secrets, you're not only weighing yourself down, but unknowingly you are hurting the other person. if you've lived with anyone, or been friends with anyone, for a decent amount of time, you can tell when they're hiding something.

my mom is a very caring woman, much like one of my best friends. both ladies try to give and give to men and want nothing more than a smile, a hug and a "thank you". my mom would do anything for my dad, even if it made her life a little more difficult, or if she knew he didn't deserve what she was doing for him. all she needs in return is to be courted by her man, just like my friend. they both need genuine reassurance that they're appreciated, need to hear "i love you" at least once a day, and take close to the heart the simple things in life like love notes, voice mails and e-mails and handmade/handwritten cards for birthdays and holidays.

my dad is a nice man who means well, but he has a short temper and doesn't accept individual personality. he does not think about the person who is responding to him when noting HOW they are responding to him. yes, sir, women tend to get a little more upset about the things that you would consider "small", but maybe that's because you never show your appreciation of the little things that are done for you. all the things that you wouldn't want to do on a regular basis, like vacuum, clean the kitchen and bathrooms, pick up the house when YOU leave all your shit everywhere, cook a full dinner and bake desserts for YOUR family for christmas... the list could go on. of course after cooking and cleaning all day without an offer of assistance a woman is going to get upset when as soon as you enter the house you say "why aren't the cheese and crackers out?" i have an idea. why don't you keep your mouth shut and just say "let me help get the cheese and crackers out".

obviously i am being too specific with examples to say anything like, "hypothetically speaking". this is some straight up real talk. but this has been my life and closest experience to a relationship i've ever had, if you can even call it that. people constantly ask me why i'm not dating, or why i don't date, and this is partly why. the guy that's supposed to be closest to me is in my eyes, untrustworthy, for reasons i have only ever mentioned to three people in my entire life as to not tarnish his personality in the eyes of people who don't know any better. i just find it impossible to trust any guy if i can't trust him. i don't want to end up like my mom. feeling like i can never get out. feeling attached, but uninterested. caring, but not cared for. (and no, you saying that you can change this will not make me want to date you. it's the unspoken actions before the idea of dating is entertained that hook me on guys, always the wrong ones who truly aren't interested, but still. sorry).

i'm not picking sides. this is just how i see things. a relationship has to be a two way street. this is not. a relationship should be shared between two individuals who have genuine care for and interest in each other. this is not.

holidays are great, aren't they?

and then barnaby brings his giant moss trolls from the forest of eternal night

i'm working off four hours of sleep and two hours of napping in a cold car right now. i have a headache and i'm kinda cold, but none of that is bothering me! i'm in a pretty decent mood right now, which is refreshing.

went to betty's tonight for a christmas/holiday dinner and it was fantastic to see everybody. i brought my camera home over the break to take pictures like bill told me to, though i only took pictures with betty's camera. i think some of them came out pretty good.. can't wait to post 'em when i get them from her. she also took pictures of me and ian for kim & cookie.... those are gonna be funny (hopefully), seriously can't wait for those!!!

i have to reformat pictures for my parents for christmas and make photo sized certificated for dinner gifts before i go to bed... blah

PROOF.

haha success is mine!

yo i got a migraine from all this tv.

did brandy get a nose job?


this is the old brandy.


this is the new brandy.

i think it really shows in her new video for "long distance". i hit me like nine bricks, just popped into my coconut. what are your thoughts?

oh god the jonas brothers on my tv have GOT TO GO.

the wind just sounded like BANSHEES

just watched the season two finale of californication... it was great. i absolutely love that show. and i'm pretty sure i've said this before, but david duchovny is seriously hot in this show and only in this show. everybody disagrees with me on that, but i am STICKING TO IT. you know why? cuz I DO WHAT I WANT.

one of the women on the show has been pregnant all season and claimed that the child was that of hank (duchovny's character). in this episode she finally popped that kid out and it was black! so like hank has been saying all along, the kid was not his. the mother (who was white) seemed a little shocked by the fact of having a black baby. i think it was more due to the fact that she expected it to be fathered by a white guy, rather than the fact that it was in deed black, that made her shocked. but it made me think. even though my mom knew she was mothering a child of a black man, do you think she was somewhat shocked to have something that looked nothing like her come out of her? i know this is probably sick and twisted, but it's human life and nature and it's worth questioning!

i kind of want to ask her, but i feel like the holidays are a strange time to bring something like this up. maybe i'll write her a note that she can read in the morning?

also, it's crazy that weeds has already had four seasons. i can't wait for the fifth to come out. i'm seriously so ready for it. i wonder if the fifth will be the last season? god, i hope they don't pull a queer as folk on me, but that would be a showtime thing for them to do. isn't the l word done at it's sixth now? i just want them to push weeds to at least 10. the day californication and weeds are over, i cry. i cry cry cry all night.

stop snowinggg i don't wanna be confined in my house

yo. okay. girl had some crazy dreams last night. every couple hours i remember another dream that i had just last night.

1) hookin up with the cute freshman on my floor at school: self explanatory.. LOVE IT
2) hookin up with some random dude: ian and remy were both really jealous of me with this one. we kept getting into stupid slapping fights about it. ian tried to seduce him in his boxers, but i was more appealing fully clothed.
3) hookin up with previous random dude in the movie theater????: i would never! and i don't think it actually happened cuz i was like no boy you a fool and you crazy. and then all these other girls around us started feelin all up on him and i was like.. this is uncomfortable.
4) an old friend hit me up gmail chat status... random as hell. i don't even know how this connects.

just remembered this one
5) told julie that ian got a pair of cole haan loafers and she was MAD impressed

i wonder what these mean?? does anybody know someone who analyzes dreams? or do any of you analyze dreams?


pink sucks. artist not color.

go listen to "dance on glass"

for some reason i keep checkin' my e-mail and twitter like i'm waiting for something mad important. truthfully, i am not expecting a single thing. maybe just hoping that someone will start following me on twitter or that likepacdiv will say something else that cracks me up like FLO RIDA GO BALD.

this e-mail's just chillin in my inbox:



i like how at the bottom it says invite HOLIDAY BROWNIES!!! to chat. haaaah.

hagar in the wilderness. corot. 1835. naturalism?

i don't know how it happened, but i just ended up on travis mccoy's (gym class heroes) blog for a second. i was really intrigued by some of the pictures he posted because everybody he rolls with looks so non-bullshit. i guess ashlee simpson and pete wentz named their kid bronx mowgli wentz???? i'm sorry they probably get a lot of haters for that shit, but that is an ill name. and his initials are bmw. c'mon. that's awesome. ACTUALLY. if my parents named me bashley, i'd be bmw too! oh well amw doesn't give me shit.

anyway okay so i pulled a creep and screen capped one of his posts because it was absolutely fucking adorable and i've been a sucker for genuinely nice things like this lately.

"he got some really thick muscley legs"

ha ha yep. them nailz and dylan's candy bar were my day n night.
I DO WHAT I WANT.

i don't wanna tweet this shit

but this is funny:

"my cousin who is a mechanic for Toyota said he was fixing a car last week and a opposum dropped out that bitch, he said he almost had a heart attack when he saw something moving and that shit falling out."

"^LOL my boy bought this old beater…was so fucking proud of it. He invites me over to kick the tires and shit. I get there, he’s like “lets check under the hood…”

When we open this nigga had a whole family of possums living in there and shit. The big joint hissed at us and shit. Fuckin possums are mad ugly B. "

is this really sexy???

pajamagrams.com

would you ever consider this a good gift?
would you ever want this as a gift?
if you got these would you want sexy time?

this twitter business is already out of hand

and i'm a little bit a mess so it might be funyn to read this in the morning.

had a great night filled with lots of fun people who somehow made me feel more comfortable with my future and growing up??? i don't know how that works, but i'm glad it did.

today was great. went to a marc jacobs sample sale with ian and nicole (and i just wanna point out that it was marc jacobs, not mbmj) and the shoes and some bags were 90% off. got a FABU pair of boots that i'm totally gonna try to pair with every outfit for totally the next two weeks.

there was a foxy boy doing crowd patrol at the door. he kinda reminded me of the boy in the orange hat (who ian and nicole awkwardly ran into last night??), but he was probably way nicer and might have been way more receptive to me. anyway, that's a missed connection. which leads to my previous post about not having a consistent taste in guys. which might lead me to a tag for all of these blog posts where i talk about a boy that i think is attractive, because that would be way easier than coming up with a spreadsheet or flowchart like i originally thought i would do. pretty sure i'm just gonna call them my missed connections, because most of the time, that's just what they are :(

fuck i'm totally about to fall asleep but i have to take my contacts out. that sux.


ps if you haven't started to follow me on twitter yet, do it now: HOODSUP
reverend richie did it, so should you!

you know this man right here can be a weakness for me......

i'm sorry i'm being really cheap and blog blogging right now, but i can't help it. this is kind of "major" and that's my excuse for it. at one of his concerts across the pond, enrique had a girl come on stage and ended up in this lip lock with her................. wtf, fo real doh????? WHY DO THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPEN?

one of my friends told me the other day that it's impossible for me not to have a type in guys. i've been thinking about that ever since he said it. truth is, based on looks, i really don't have a type. i'm about to start a flow chart or something that kind of categorizes all dem boi's just to prove my own point that like snowflakes, no two of them are alike.


EDIT: i just google-imaged enrique and found some things that i just wanna talk about.apparently he really likes his fans. my main concern is why he was wearing those shoes on stage.
sorry.

this remix sux. foxy brown & trina... go home.

this picture is uncomfortable

my low blood pressure is the law of darwinism!!!

tonight at the radio show ian and i explored new dance moves. the other night while in my room he developed the marionette, which i fail at on all accounts. essentially all you do is lift your knee up with your hands above the knee as if your fingers are attached to your knee by strings.. if that makes sense. for some reason i can't get it to look right when i do it. so as a good dancer would, i turned my failed move into another move that works for me. it's called the "get off me" dance. it's the kind of move you pull out when your in the club, drunk as what, and you got some metrosexual faggot snappin on you and you just ain't havin' it. basically you lift one leg up and bend your knee at a ninety degree angle and just start kind gyrating. it's so unattractive. but if a guy's drunk, he might find it a little bit attractive, so he might try to grab your leg. if this happens, slap has hand and just hold your leg up yourself. at this point it's going to look like you're a dog trying to piss with a leg that weighs nine times as much as your own body weight. i'm telling you, for sure way to get the dudes up off ya.

in other news, i just started a twitter today (haha squinty eyes and a pc sign.. idk why but i do what i want!) and it sounds like there are small people in my heater throwing pebbles all over the place at their own will. the noise of that wakes me up in the morning and makes me unhappy.

HAI!

just watch this video. notice the black shadowy figure to wale's right. THAT'S ME. notice how he keeps lookin' in that direction. yep you guessed it he's lookin' at me. haha nah, but for real that is me. the lanky fingers prove it. and for a second in one of the clips you can kinda see my coon hat!!!! i'm still tryna find a video where i was actually interview for a second. you know if i find it you'll see it...

i'm addicted to her nectar

i went to see wale at highline a couple days ago. when cudi was on, fucking jim jones came out. i'm still trying to get over how completely random and retarded that shit was. jim jones?! rly?! does anybody care?! i don't know, but i'm dying right now. i just found this video of him walking on stage and it still cracks me up.

I've just realized that one great thing about turning 20 is the door to dating older guys starts to open. it's not as socially acceptable for a 28 year old to date an 18 or even a 19 year old girl. but hey. as soon as 20 hits. wow. the world is your oyster. because even though you're a twenty zero, you're still a twenty something, and twenty somethings are a hot commodity.

however, it has also come to my attention that if you're just not comfortable with a situation, then being a 20 something really doesn't do anything for you.

what's wrong with you? you're doing everything wrong.

i got me some jesse boykins iii stuck in my head right now

i already posted this at k&c but i don't care i do what i want!!!

wtf srsly

plz just text me already. thx.


haiiii this is just me freaking out.